Friday, July 10, 2009

How Did We Get Here

When I was a little girl, like many, I read the Little House books and decided there must have been a horrible mistake I was really meant to be a pioneer girl. I harbored this thought for quite some time, until I realized my chronic asthma probably would have been a death sentence out on the prairie. I put that dream in my pocket and marched on through life. There was school, then college, marriage, a corporate job, and a house in the suburbs. I did everything in the right order, strived for perfection, but felt something was amiss. My discontent grew and I began most days in tears not wanting to spend my day stuffed into my cubical. I looked for a new job, but no position seemed right. I was starting to yearn to be a mama, but the thought of inevitably dropping my new little one of in day care brought me to tears. Then the most wonderful thing in the world happened, I got fired. Poor performance in the organization necessitated layoffs and I was escorted out of that horrible cube and let go into the world. I would like to say I was swift enough to realized what an opportunity this was, but it took me a little while. I cried a little (exactly the 2.5 miles it took to get to the highway) and then threw myself into finding another job. I went right back looking for the same situation that had left me so unsatisfied and unhappy before. I was offered a position, but eventually declined it. I was a more than irritated that the women hiring had the nerve to tell one of my references (who she happened to know) that there was just something about me that she couldn't put her finger on. She felt I was the perfect candidate, but there was just something amiss. If only I could have found that in myself, as quick as that women, I would probably be closer to the end of my journey. So, because I was rubbed the wrong way and by now there was an itty-bitty one on the way I fled the corporate world, held up at home, and decided to adjust to being poor. I through myself into frugality and budgeting and figured I could stay at home until this little one was a year. We had a few speed bumps along the way, but survived. As I was gearing up to start my job search yet again a little surprise fell in my lap, well actually my belly. Another little one meant more time at home and the realization that I could make this work. I loved the simpler life, the frugal life, a life spent making a home. So, here I am now enjoying what I have and moving towards more simplicity and sustainability.

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